So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
