So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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