So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
ttyl tear gas
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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