dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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