Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
