I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
