is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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