Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
