Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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