He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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