now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
