he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
