i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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