woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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