I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
