NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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