I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
