hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
false alarm, still single
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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