yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
