There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
