ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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