I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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