im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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