Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
