In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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