none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
