Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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