i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
