dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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