He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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