Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize