You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Panties = found
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
