I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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