and i looked up. we had an audience...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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