suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
