I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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