these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
