i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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