New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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