No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
