Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
