i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
