There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize