the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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