so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
