I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
