God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
