so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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