she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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