i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
