Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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