i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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