OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
