I think im going to throw up on grandma
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
