You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize