Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
