my vag is so smooth its legendary
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
