How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
