i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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